A Sermon of Shame [based on real-life experiences]
It was a cool summers evening but it felt rather warm inside the church. I felt somewhat nervous as the as I watch the Preacher get up to preach. I had some idea of what was about to be said because I had heard the man sermons before. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to listen to.
“Let’s turn to Luke chapter 14 verse 15.
15 When one of those at the table with him heard this, he said to Jesus, “Blessed is the one who will eat at the feast in the kingdom of God.”
16 Jesus replied: “A certain man was preparing a great banquet and invited many guests. 17 At the time of the banquet he sent his servant to tell those who had been invited, ‘Come, for everything is now ready.’
18 “But they all alike began to make excuses. The first said, ‘I have just bought a field, and I must go and see it. Please excuse me.’
19 “Another said, ‘I have just bought five yoke of oxen, and I’m on my way to try them out. Please excuse me.’
20 “Still another said, ‘I just got married, so I can’t come.’
21 “The servant came back and reported this to his master. Then the owner of the house became angry and ordered his servant, ‘Go out quickly into the streets and alleys of the town and bring in the poor, the crippled, the blind and the lame.’
22 “‘Sir,’ the servant said, ‘what you ordered has been done, but there is still room.’
23 “Then the master told his servant, ‘Go out to the roads and country lanes and compel them to come in, so that my house will be full. 24 I tell you, not one of those who were invited will get a taste of my banquet.’”
The man in the pulpit looked down at us all watching him cried out,
“Go out into the roads and the country lanes and compel them to come in. So what are you doing”? He pointed at me. Well, he wasn’t pointing at me but he may as well have since I’ve never all that good at evangelism.
“Why is there no new people in this church? I tell you why! You are ashamed of the gospel! Jesus said if you’re ashamed of me I will be ashamed of you!
I’m a failure I know. I’m a terrible Christian. I’m terrible at evangelism. I get it I suck. Jesus is ashamed of me.
I look at the verse that has just had been read hoping for some relief. Is there anything in the text that brings me release me from this dread that has come over? Is anything that in these words of Jesus that tell me I’m not a screw-up? I look I can’t see it. Maybe it’s there but I see nothing but judgement. Maybe the condemning voice of the preacher was drowning out anything there that would tell me I’m not terrible Christian.
I needed to escape the contempt I was feeling for myself so my eyes began to wander, trying to figure out what other members of the audience were making of the message. I noticed the man to my left who was always talking about importance knowing the scriptures and not taking preachers word for it. He was studying his Bible. Was he buying what the preacher was saying? I then noticed the two women in front of me. Faithful members of the church and best of friends accompanied by their two young daughters. It was hard to tell what the woman on the right of me thought of the man preaching at this present moment. She was rather quiet and wasn’t one to share her feeling with me whenever we talk but her friend was the exact opposite. She was telling before the service about how much she enjoyed listening to this Pastor preach. I notice the two girls to the left of the two women. Like the their mothers, they were the best of friends. They were watching the man bring the message of the Lord but didn’t seem all that interested. They would occasionally whisper in each other’s ear and quietly giggle. Were they aware of was being said? Obviously not. No one aware of was being proclaimed from the pulpit would be giggling. As I looked the two children I wished I could be them, wish I could not understand was being said.
All of a sudden my attention was brought away from the two girls as I heard another kid yell out something at the preacher and then laughed. I can’t say for sure what was actually said but all I know it was something that everyone in the meeting heard including the preacher. He glared at the kids. “This is not funny!” He yelled. “This is the word of God, not something to laugh about! Women control your children”! He was furious. How dare a child shout while he preaching. Suddenly the women who were sitting in front of me stood up, grabbed their kids, quickly walked to the door. They obviously distressed that the Preacher would shout at kids.
With the women leaving the meeting the man looked at us.
“I make no apology. This is the word of God. You need to take God more seriously”.
I didn’t know what to think. I felt bad for the women but there was something within me that wanted to make excuses for him because after all, he was the ‘man of God’.
He wasn’t done with us.
“Some of you are a disgrace. Some of you don’t have your hearts on things above. God is ashamed of you. Hell is real and some of you might be going there. I don’t want you to go to hell but some of you just might go there. Jesus is coming soon! Will he come back for you?
“Some of you are far too worldly! Do you listen to worldly music”?
Do you listen to Lady Gaga? Lady Gaga is the voice of Satan! You listen to her and your life will be ruined.
I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. So we’re really going down this road?
“Do you swear? If you swear you are displeasing God!
“Do you do sinful things when you’re alone? Do you lust? Do you look at pornography? You are a sinner if you do and God is not pleased with you!
“There so much worldliness in the church! Get right with God! Get right with God! Get right with God now! Listen to me! Jesus is coming honour God with your life or you will burn in hell!
“Why is this church so backward? Why isn’t it making progress? Why aren’t you sharing the gospel? I’ll tell you why! You are not spending enough time in the word of God! You are not praying long enough! How many chapters of the Bible do you read every day? One? Not good enough! Two? Not good enough! Three? Not good enough! You should at least read five chapters a day!
How long do you pray every day? Ten minutes? Not good enough! You should be praying for one hour every day! You are worldly because you are not spending time with God. Now stand up everyone!
I stood with the others in the service in standing up.
“Now pray. Ask for God forgiveness for failures and tell him you repent from worldliness.
I began to pray: God, I’m sorry for being such a failure. I’m sorry for all my sin. Sorry, I don’t share the gospel with people. Help me be better.
This isn’t an entire sermon I sat through but based on the things that were said in countless sermons I’ve heard that made me feel shameful of not being good enough. I have been shamed by preachers and Christians for not being a good evangelists. I have been in services where people who listen to secular or who swear are condemned. I have been told reading a few verses in the Bible and praying for about five minutes each day was not good enough. And that incident with the Pastor yelling at a child for talking during a sermon really happened. The mother went straight home devastated that the Preacher had yelled at her child. The Assistant Pastor apologised for the incident but the Preacher who yelled at the child felt no need to apologise.
Back then I defended preachers because in my mind they were right and I was wrong. They were good, I was bad. If they hurt me it was my fault for being a terrible Christian. I gave preachers such power over me.
Now I have decided I am done with giving them such power. It was my Mum who encouraged me as a teenager to apply critical thinking when a pastor preached. I ignored her because I thought I should obey and never question someone who has authority over me.I was wrong. A ‘man of God’ is just a man and not everything they say should necessarily be accepted.
Don’t get me wrong I’m not saying it’s wrong for a speaker to show us we might be misguided in how we behave. In fact, I was recently listening to the author Sarah Bessey giving a talk and in the most loving way, she showed me how my attitude in the last few years has not been right and now I’m working on changing my attitude. I guess you could say what she said convicted me. I think there’s a difference between conviction and shame. I think conviction shows you how wrong you’ve been, it convinces you it is better for you to change and you, in turn, work on changing. As for shame, it makes you feel utterly worthless, makes you wallow in worthlessness and never brings about change.
Yesterday I was reading a wonderful blog post by Nicole Anderson where she wrote, “Even when the teachings are very difficult, they are not destructive. They don’t cause you to lose self-esteem and self-worth. They shouldn’t cause mental, emotional, and spiritual torment”. Oh, the number of times I felt my self-esteem and self-worth being smashed to pieces in a church service by some preacher. The many times I felt tormented mentally, emotionally and spiritually by what was said to me by some Christians. For some Christianity is about arrogantly belittling those who fail. It’s about demonising people who are different to them. Now I will concede some may have not meant to cause so much pain. It’s not an easy job to be a pastor or a preacher and it’s impossible for everyone who gives a sermon to know how a person listening to them will take their message. Having said that I think many of the things pastors and some Christians have said have brought shame to me and others and shame doesn’t bring about change. To quote Brené Brown, “You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behaviors”.
